Animals

I once had a friend who liked feeding animals with unusual food - she once gave a horse chestnuts.

Surely everyone knows that you can't give a pig iron

My mate takes his dog for a walk every day in the local park. There is a big sign warning about a big fine for those who let their dogs foul the paths and grass. One day his dog did a massive poo on the path and was captured on the cctv. A fine soon followed in the post. Ah well, said my mate, "shit happens".

cyclists

I asked a cyclist friend out for a drink but she wouldn't come - said she couldn't handle bars.

She was once prosecuted for stealing bicycle parts but she says she was framed.

She refuses to get a mortgage - doesn't want to be saddled with a load of debt.

The police found a load of cannabis in her saddlebags - they accused her of peddling drugs.